Underneath the pews
The stained glass you can see through
There’s a decision to be made
Someday you’ll find yourself at a crossroads
With only one place left to go
Life has a way of crashing down on all of us
The way day breaks and night falls
Over and over
The way things change with time
But somehow manage to stay the same
The way we change with time
But somehow
manage to stay the same
The way pain can bring about a realization of truth
Or a back turned to it
The way we love
The way we think about God
And make ourselves our own Gods
To escape the reality of meaning
The way there seems to be a hole
And the feeling that we might not really be real
The feeling that the soul inside us is more real than anything else
The presence of love
That brings with it every joy and hurt
There is more than what we can see and touch
There is this desire to worship something
And be in awe of it
And be mesmerized and moved and loved by it and be consumed by it
You cannot touch that with your hands
And you cannot see it with your eyes
It lives in us
You feel it when you look at the ocean and the sky
And there is a moment where fear and beauty come together
And you remember how small you are
And how you are not a God
but a human with a soul
And a desire to be worthy of something
The way everything moves and keeps moving around us
The earth does not stop rotating when we are in turmoil
It is not at our whim
Regardless of who or what we are
Because it was made before us
Almost as a reminder that we are futile
But also that after cold comes warmth
And after darkness, light
To everything there is a season
1. Faith. Love. Obedience.
2. Shame. Fear. Control.
Don’t let anyone fool you, these are are combos. Package deals.
Unfortunately you cannot choose an item a la carte.
Combo number one is freedom.
Combo number two is bondage.
Welcome to life-May I take your order?
We always want the gold before the fire. The diamond before the knife. But how foolish can we be to think that good things always come in flowery packages and that the best way is the easy one? The Jews didn’t understand that Jesus was the truth because His words offended them to the core. They shamed Him and ripped His beard off His face because He told them the truth of who they were. The truth of who He was. He offered healing but it was full of spit and blood and they wanted white horses and worldly royalty. His boldness was meek but it was true. And They wanted to be esteemed as righteous rather than humbled by true majesty. What He said was simple and perfect and pure. But they rejected His righteousness. He offered hope and cleansing but it was so hard to believe that they needed to be cleansed in the first place. The Eden mentality that keeps us all in the bondage of our own pride. And soon enough it becomes easier to drink from a contaminated stream than be healed by the river of Truth. The way of a man is right in his own eyes. Repentance comes when we accept Christ, all of Him and when we decide to live in His way. This is why David delighted in the law. But are we so religiously medicated that we cannot see our own spiritual condition? Thank God for the mercy seat- thank God for his sacrifice and His example. The pure way is beautiful and it is perfect but it will involve correction and it will involve fire. You see, He is a living God and His words are just as alive. When you come to Him be careful to lay aside your false expectations and the illusion of pride. Be careful to approach with boldness but also with humility. He is Savior yes but He is also King and Lord. His government is peace that He will fight to uphold. He is to be feared but also to be loved. It is within this paradox that we find the God of the Scriptures. And the Biblical God is the only true God. So when you flip through the pages of Scriptures do not expect to yeild blessings without the fire and the knife. But know that sometimes suffering is the most rewarded way. Afterall, it was the way that Jesus took. And He will be faithful to giude you through the deepest waters. Perservere, embrace the true healing of the faith. Do not expect flowery packages.
“What happens when an erstwhile church planter with a few Neo books under his belt starts doing church with a radical skepticism about the authority of the Bible and forms a people by musing on about how his community affirms the Bible(in part?), therefore making it “welcome” in their conversation? We can wax eloquent about the beauty of the story and how the Scriptures read us, but unless people are convinced that the Bible is authoritative, true, inspired, and the very words of God, over time they will read it less frequently, know it less fully, and trust it less surely.”
-Kevin Deyoung from Why We’re Not Emergent
You broke my heart
The stone shell fell and crashed
Over my past
Over my false expectations
And shattered the barred doors of my soul
And then clear water
cleansing
the sound of it rushing
Its current bringing with it the resilience
of The Word of God
I never feared You
Until I knew the depths of Your love
And then I trembled
in Your presence.
And then with eyes opened up
And heart beating new blood
I found joy
to be beside sorrow
On a mountain top so high you can feel
The oxygen moving through your lungs
And valleys so low
Your very soul sheds tears
It’s where I met you
And called you by Your Name
And where you called mine
After a wrestling match that took so many years
I thought I was fighting against myself
But it was your hand
heavy on me that
I was trying to escape
I did not know that every man is naked
Before the Eyes of God
And that I was hiding from myself
But With salvation
You came to me
And with purity
You spoke to me
And with the beauty of holiness
You wrote your true intentions upon my heart
I was blind
And crippled
And poor
And you carried me
To a table
Where I was not worthy to sit
And fed to me the truth
And I saw Your worth
And you told me mine
Every time your mouth opened
You cut away more of the residue
that builds
and grows
after years of unbelief
And I could feel my soul
being changed from a tombstone
to a vessel
Revelation 7:15-17 And He who sits on the throne will dwell among them. They shall neither hunger anymore nor thirst anymore; the sun shall not strike them, nor any heat; for the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”
Hebrews 10:9 Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a High Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
Psalm 51:7-8 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones You have broken may rejoice.
When I get there I will ask Him
How heavy the weight of the world really is
And what it cost to pay for
Our choices
33 lonely years
That ended in a bloody plea
“Why have You forsaken me?”
All to show us
That the mercy seat is deep enough
—————————————————————————————————
Isaiah 53:1-6
Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
4 Surely he took up our pain
and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
6We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
I’m mad about the way I was treated in the past.
I’m mad at everyone who reminds me of the way I was treated in the past.
I’m mad at myself for allowing myself to be treated that way in the past.
I’m mad because someone unknowingly or knowingly said/did something that made me feel like I felt when I was wronged—in the past..
But I’m not mad…
I’m hurt, because the memory of being wronged is still so vivid. Because whatever happened today reminded me of that tender feeling so long ago. Because I’m human and for some reason it’s easier for us to hold on to hurt while pretending not to hurt. And then, something triggers a tear, or that familiar feeling of “I just was jipped” And it’s like a bruise that someone touched by accident. There is pain. Strong, immense, dangerous pain. And instead of feeling it— I get mad. I’m mad because I no longer have the upper-hand. Or, maybe I’m the one who gave a little bit more (or at least I feel like I gave a little bit more). Or maybe I’m mad at myself for feeling! When something reminds that we do actually hurt, it’s easier to be angry.
The reality is I’m just hurt. And that’s okay.
Here are some things I’ve learned about dealing with my spontaneously triggered anger.
Instead of allowing the past to make you mad (both angry and insane):
AND the last but most important:
If you don’t remember anything else from this post remember this:
When you get mad—pay attention, your feelings are telling you something about yourself! The emotions we experience are often indicators of past memories/hurts/disillusionment that we have not yet confronted. If you don’t deal with your past—you will go mad!
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19
I fail. It’s inevitable.
Each day is filled with so many mistakes, so many shortcomings.
I want to do good but I cannot. I want to change, but I cannot. I want to move forward but it seems that as soon as the uphill climb begins I find myself at the bottom of the hill-again.
“Will I ever change?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
The truth is: I’m a failure. I need help. That’s it. Nothing I do will change that.
Though this is a terribly disappointing fact it is also a liberating one. It means that no matter how hard I work I won’t change. It means I need someone to help me. It means I need someone to repair what I have broken. It means I need repair. It means that I am in need of a Saviour.
The (second) truth is: I have a glorious hope in Jesus Christ.
I know myself. I know the thoughts I think and the feelings I feel. Sometimes thinking of myself can get depressing and bleak. But there is one who knows me even better than I know myself. He knew that I would fail, that I would make mistakes and that I would hide from Him in shame and unbelief. He knew that I would need Him the most when I realized I could do nothing on my own. That’s why He did what I couldn’t do. He came and lived the life I should have-but couldn’t have lived. He shed blood that should have been mine. He died the death I should have died. And then He rose so I could be filled with His spirit and His mind.
Now, when I come to Him weary from trying to make myself better and disillusioned by my past He calls me His child. In His presence I am not a failure, I am a picture of His great love. He has filled me up with Himself and covered me with His blood so that when I see only failure and bad choices He sees righteousness.
Remember: There’s nothing you can do to earn the love of God. And there is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you.
When we fail the last thing we want to do is come to Jesus-but it must be the first thing we do. He turns our biggest mess-ups into beautiful pictures of His love.
The (third) truth is this: If you try to change yourself you will fail. But, if you humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and surrender your broken life to Him, He will make it shine.
———————————————————————————————————————-
Romans 7:24: What a miserable person I am! Who will rescue me from my dying body? 25I thank God that our Lord Jesus Christ rescues me!
Ephesians 2:4-10: But God is rich in mercy because of his great love for us. 5We were dead because of our failures, but he made us alive together with Christ. (It is God’s kindness[a] that saved you.)6God has brought us back to life together with Christ Jesus and has given us a position in heaven with him. 7He did this through Christ Jesus out of his generosity to us in order to show his extremely rich kindness in the world to come. 8God saved you through faith as an act of kindness. You had nothing to do with it. Being saved is a gift from God. 9It’s not the result of anything you’ve done, so no one can brag about it.10God has made us what we are. He has created us in Christ Jesus to live lives filled with good works that he has prepared for us to do.
Ephesians 2:13 But now through Christ Jesus you, who were once far away, have been brought near by the blood of Christ.
Romans 8:1 So those who are believers in Christ Jesus can no longer be condemned. 2The standards of the Spirit, who gives life through Christ Jesus, have set you free from the standards of sin and death. 3It is impossible to do what God’s standards demand because of the weakness our human nature has. But God sent his Son to have a human nature as sinners have and to pay for sin. That way God condemned sin in our corrupt nature. 4Therefore, we, who do not live by our corrupt nature but by our spiritual nature, are able to meet God’s standards.
The road to you
sure is narrow
at best
There’s a lot in here that has to be let out
And i don’t even have the strength to rip the seal
Once its open who knows
I don’t even know
But I need a Friend most of all
Who won’t let me
Get away
Please be!
Please be more real than any wrong I’ve ever known
Please make all the wrong right
Inside
And outside
And all around
Make it right
I know I can’t.
I know that now.
Love me like the weak child I am
Does a weak heart like this worship God?
Can a heart like this be heard?
I think of You and I cry because it hurts
And it’s all wrong
And it takes me forever to get down deep
to where it all is
The fear….
I think of You and I cry because I’m scared
Let the faith, the little seed of it
Let it come and quench the fear
Let it come and make me mighty and brave
And not anything less
Let it make me strong to love
Strong to move past
the past
Isaiah 43:1-3, 18-19
But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 3 For I am the LORD your God,
“Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
It would seem that the love of God is perfect
That is a rather scary thought if it is not mixed with faith. It is scary because attaching the word perfect to love seems impossible. Who hasn’t had someone say they love you and then let you down? It is also scary because God’s love is a force to be reckoned with. It is wild and tender and relentless. Yet, it seems like we crazy humans always want to put it to the test, faithlessly resisting everything Jesus has to offer in hopes of doing it our own imperfect way.
If we do not mix the perfect love of Christ with trust, we are in danger.
We are in danger of looking for love elsewhere—that is not to say that love found outside of Christ isn’t real. But it is to say that love found outside of Christ is not perfect or anywhere close. Real though it may be, Godless love comes with much of what this sinful world comes with: regret, loss, rejection, abandonment, shame and fear. And then, in moments when imperfect love is lost, we wonder if there is such thing as love at all.
Since we experience so much of this heartache as a result of trusting solely in imperfect love, we are also in danger of binding up whatever love we have somewhere deep inside to be used as a weapon, or given out in small measures when we deem it appropriate. Or maybe we just let it shrivel up and die in there. This is the Godless love cycle: an unpleasant roller-coaster ride that can leave us lonely, and disillusioned. And it is based on a lie.
Here is the truth:
God. Will. Never. Let. You. Down.
Yes, it is difficult to reconcile how the love of God can be both perfect and painful. But herein is where we find that faith is essential, because the moment we come face to face with the love of Christ we are also faced with a tremendous choice. Will we give all to Christ, lay it at the foot of the cross and trust that he will make our imperfect love perfect? Or, will we keep our morsel of tattered affections to ourselves in hopes of someday knowing what to do with it. Will we receive the love He has to give, or resist it for fear of leaving broken-hearted?
We must respond to Him with faith, so that He can teach us the way of love. It takes a dose of faith to truly receive all He has to give. He’s not just promising us a donut for doing a bunch of right things. He is promising life and life abundantly, he is promising to never leave or forsake. He is promising forgiveness. He is promising peace which surpasses our understanding. He is promising joy for mourning. Yes, he is promising perfect love. It takes faith to rest in that kind of promise. But it’s a step worth taking because He’s not one to break promises, no matter how huge they are.
We will place our trust somewhere if not Christ. Whether it be ourselves, our loved ones, our dog, our job, we will put it somewhere. And if Christ is not a firm foundation, when that trust is broken, or love is lost we will lose everything. But if we choose to respond to Christ’s perfect love with the measure of faith we are given we will not be without an anchor. We will not be without hope and we will have nothing to fear.
I’m mostly writing this for me, some days I wouldn’t know perfect love if it slapped me in the face. Thank goodness it slaps me in the face relentlessly.
© Shyla Salmon
1 John 4:18-20
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 19We love because he first loved us. 20 for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world.
God is everywhere, at all times. When we feel far from Him he is so, so close. Step out in faith that He is a good Father with hunger to see Him move or hear Him speak and He will.
Position your heart to receive the love He has. Every belief system that you have used to protect yourself from rejection or that has made you feel too sinful to stand before Him is a lie. He has washed you clean.
He took it upon Himself so that at any time you can approach His throne of grace with boldness. That means you are not defined by the doubt in your heart but by the finished work of Christ.
He loves you
He delights in you
Your sin does not scare Him away
Where sin abounds grace abounds all the more
Do not be deceived into thinking you must protect yourself from a Righteously-holy-infuriated-sky-creature. If you are in Christ, He is your father and He has called you holy and blameless. He expects the best from you and has never called you a failure. He will protect and defend you, He will uphold You with His righteous right hand. He is faithful to restore all things, and to redeem any situation.
You must know: He is real, His love is alive. There is nothing better than the good grace of Christ. Because of His sufferings we are seated above every single authority and dominion with Him. We no longer have to work to be accepted. He has accepted us (even the deepest darkest things do not scare him away)
Fear nothing. Do not hold back. Let the Lord lift up your head.
Bring all of your insecurities to the cross and leave them there. Then, go forward to sit at the banqueting table with Jesus.
Let faith come alive the way it was before someone stole your innocence or took advantage of you or abused you or left you or lied to you or broke you down.
Come like a child to the Lord with faith that He has not and never will reject you.
Be brave. And if you do not have the strength to? Ask Him for help, He will answer. He gives us grace to be everything we have ever wanted to be. He gives us the grace to be everything He has said of us.
Come alive in Christ
James 1:16-17
16Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down fromthe Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
John 10:7-15
So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. 10The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep.
Love is the sweetest gift
No shame can conquer it, no rejection
Breathe it and feel it and move in it
It looks good on everyone
Give love
When it is heartbreaking
When it is selfless
When it is the right thing
When it seems foolish
For love is always wise
And sometimes it does what is hard to do
Allow your heart to open up
And trust again
Because the heart of stone does not feel pain
But it does not feel love either
If you have been hurt, come into healing
Through grace
Through forgiveness
Through hope
A loving heart will help you:
Love is an explosion of tears and laughter
Memories and regrets
Broken and fulfilled promises
Joy and Sorrow
And it is worth every single second
Ephesians 3:14-19
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every familyin heaven and on earth is named,that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
© Shyla Salmon
